Friday, April 8, 2011

Tearless and fearless!

Looks like am not going to be able to blog at all. Simply because am into content writing now. And also more text book writing too, I believe. And this is when work is supposed to be less.
And one more thing about interesting old me! I can't cry. I really can't. I remember my mom hitting me quite a bit and saying "Look at her! Not a drop from her eyes!". Not that my tear glands don't function. When I ride the two wheeler at seventy, my eyes water automatically. You can't call that crying, especially coz it's actually exhilarating riding at that speed.
I remember crying on two occasions though. The first one was when my dad told me on landing in Chennai one morning, that my friend Padma's dad had died. It was a shock to me for this person was a unique individual. Mr.Chandrashekar never scolded his daughter, (infact, I realize now that he had spoilt her a bit) was terribly proud of her and always had something simple and insightful to say. Going back to what happened when I heard the news, I started to cry. Rather it was a body wracking snort, exactly four snorts and I imagine that's how a rhino would snort. And not many drops of tears came from my eyes

Then the next time I burst into spontaneous tears on the return journey from Pilani, where I had deposited my daughter at her hostel. This time there were some tears but it was a single outburst that lasted a minute or so. This happened seven years ago. Even now when am sad, I try to cry. I contort my face and and try to sob but no tears come and then I end up laughing. I sometimes wish I could and get relieved from pain and then tell myself it's better not to cry. What if I end up as a crybaby, addicted to self pity.

And then when my daughter got married, and got into the car with her  brand new husband, my husband burst into tears and my daughter's eyes filled up and my son- in- law's eyes turned sympathetic and moist; a typical scene, that has inspired many a film maker and ad maker, and there I was, dry eyed and throwing furtive looks all around! And why did I throw fearless into the title? Not just because it rhymes, coz am basically fearless too and more about that in another blog. tata

5 comments:

Harini Padmanabhan said...

No wonder you asked me to read this post. :P

Raji said...

why

BALA said...

Several things in the article interest me. First, committing yourself to write on a feature, that most feel, especially in a woman, unnatural. Second, you have at last accepted that you do ride the automobile fast. Third, a point of disagreement, i do not correlate fearlessness with not yielding to emotions. Fourth, you cried for your daughter when you had left her in Pilani, and after that, i think, she had never got a chance of staying with you for a longer period of time, till the marriage of hers. I think that could be a reason for a 'non-emotional' send off given to your daughter by you. What i mean to say is, you have realised the state of independency of your daughter then itself. I have enjoyed reading and please do not keep us in abeyance in knowing about your fearless adventures for long.

Pied Piper said...

Hi Mam, hope u r fine. u have given such a shock to me. i didn't get that scene of the mom who didn't cry at the time of her newly wedded daughter's sendoff. really,here i agree with Bala's words(she had never got a chance of staying with you for a longer period of time, till the marriage of hers). but am sure am dam-sure u r not a tearless person.i dono y am saying this,but am sure u r not that type. may be u was... but not u will. bcos u r a mom. but i know u little bit, so, may be u ll not tearless but the chance is less. any way i wish u not to tear at any moment of ur life.bcos, in something u r my role model.i don't have words to type further in this issue. take care mam, take care of urself and everybody.bye mam,have a long life. bcos more students are waiting to shape up their future and waiting for ur support. bye mam.

Mr.Ess said...

mam, to me this post looked funny and i loved the last paragraph - the most funniest of this post...weren't u supposed to have tears at that moment??!!!ur really a unique person...